The long bank holiday weekend is in full swing and I’ve been enjoying some me time (I still am as I am writing this on Sunday). I successfully completed my IDONTMIND mental health run, but that I will talk about in another post, probably on Tuesday.
I’ve done alot of thinking on this holiday, and also plenty of writing. I’ve been getting stuff out of my head. One theme comes back time and again at the moment – my social wellbeing. Many groups of friends have a ring leader that sets the direction for those people. Sadly I was stuck in a situation where the ringleader (a former friend of 30+ years) became homophobic, judgmental and abusive towards me. It took a long time to realise the best thing for my social wellbeing was to cut this toxic person out of my life. It was one of the best decisions I’ve made in years.
Removing this toxicity from my life was not simple, but after two years it was definetly the right decision. My anxiety and stress levels dropped, I no longer feared being abused, belittled and put down all the time. The larger group of “friends” were also cut out, they were staunchly supportive of their leader and had become to act out against me with the same behaviour. It was difficult to do all this, but I have realised over time these people were no longer my friends. Its just a shame for I didn’t act sooner.
My social circle is significantly smaller now, and the pandemic had made it even trickier… I spend less time with friends but I am significantly more content with my social wellbeing. I will never let a friend treat me like that ever again.
I did get asked by some, but you used to be such good friends. That is true, we did. And when this individual first started acting up the legacy meant that I gave them once last chance. Thirty years of friendship, 28 of which were good does not excuse the behaviour I was shown. It was time to cut them loose.
I share this story to give insight into how difficult mental health around social wellbeing can be. Its a tricky subject but we do have to do what is best for us. I never sought to have the approval or validation from this person, but they chose to start thinking that is something I needed. I know my own worth and my value, I happen to know I am enough and do not need validation, especially from a homophobe.
Be who you want to be – you answer to yourself. Surround yourself with people who support your dreams and addo value to life.
Do it your way, never look back. You have got this… and so do I.