8760.  I want you to think about that number, 8760.

The clock keeps ticking, we get older. 

Time flies? Not always when we are having fun, but it sure does keep ticking.

What is a year… it sounds like a lot, but in reality, a year can pass really quickly.

One year

12 months

365 days

8760 hours.

We do not often see a year broken down to hours, but there are 8760 of them in a year. We live each and every one of these hours, some of them are filled with joy, some are mundane and occasionally some of them are filled with trauma.

What I do know, is life is short. The clock keeps ticking, regardless. You can be happy, and all of a sudden someone you love is snatched away forever.

48 hours later, we found my illness was something much more serious. I lived but the damage was done.

I have never stopped being grateful to the doctor who called me that day. In life we have small things we are grateful for, then when we look at the past, we see big events, people and objects that made a big difference.  I’ll always be grateful for my Dad for teaching me to do what is right for me, that as long as I am happy, and it is something I want to do – then that is ok.  He taught me the value of trust and how to survive when the going gets tough.

He is gone.  It sucks.  But I am grateful all the same.  Not for his absence but being the man that he was.

On 31 January 2018, we held his funeral.  We expected this to be a very small occasion.  The crematorium could seat 45 people. Over 300 people attended, every area of the room was full.  That is a testament to the man my father was. 

I wrote my farewell words to my Dad and shared them with the room.  That was my goodbye to him.  I was there at the end, I said goodbye, but he had never regained consciousness.  I choose to believe he heard me, and I also know he knew what I would want to say.

Be grateful for what you have, nothing lasts forever. Too often we worry about the future but look what you have today.

Three years ago, I was just recovering from being seriously ill, I was in bad shape, but recovering.  Two days later, my Dad was dead.  In 48 hours, my world changed forever.

From that point on I lived hour to hour.  In some ways I still do today, although I plan positively for the future, I live hour to hour much of the time. I even journal hour to hour to help when things are tough.

You have 8760 hours in 2021, are you going to live them?

Life is supposed to be messy, sometimes it is downright crap.

Today is 11 January, we are approximately 2064 hours into the year. And I am feeling sad today, but I am also grateful to be alive and for my Dad.  I choose life, and I choose to remember the good times.

This week, I may be quiet at times. This week isn’t a time to be loud for me, I’m just doing what I can do to survive it.  Hour to hour.

This week is 168 hours. I’ll be focusing on myself to get through it. 

Time passing does not make this any easier, it just alters how the pain manifests.

8760 hours in 2021. What are you going to focus on?

I love you Dad.