We spend an enormous amount of time navigating how we relate to others. But recently, a realisation hit me hard: it is vital to put myself first more often. No one is going to do it for you.

I endlessly hear people’s opinions on how I should live my life or questions of when I intend to hit some of those life milestones (such as marriage or having children) that they have chosen to pursue. I find this quite rude and presumptive that I have to make choices and strive for certain things just because it worked for them. Lately I’ve pushed back at people and told them this. Some people mean well, most are being judgemental.

It is crucial to invest in ourselves, to focus on what is right for us, rather than bending to opinions of how we should live. Other people’s standards and opinions are just that—opinions. They are not a requirement for how we conduct our lives. It’s your body, your life, and your choice.

A recent catalyst for this thought arrived recently at the gym. I’ve gained an acquaintance there—not a friend, just someone I say hello to. In my head, I call him “the dancer.”

He takes his training seriously, displaying excellent technique and heavy lifts. But what I truly admire is that between sets, with his headphones on in a busy public gym, he dances. He gets fully lost in the movement and the music. He doesn’t care who is watching or what anyone might think. Though he will stop for a moment to say hello.

People might judge or have negative thoughts, but I think it’s brilliant. He isn’t harming anyone; he’s just living in his own moment. That freedom to simply exist in his moment without worrying about outside judgment is powerful.

It is remarkably easy to live according to an invisible rulebook written by people who don’t even have to live with the consequences of our choices. Watching someone else drop that weight can be the exact push needed to do the same for yourself.

I don’t have a desire to dance in a gym, but I do want to do more for myself. I want to live life on my terms. This year I adopted a strong me first approach to my life and planning.
You don’t need to adopt someone else’s expression to claim that kind of independence. You just need to decide that your own direction matters more than the background noise.

I am going to be my own dancer.